


Guarding the Heart

by The Big Roman (Hammocker)



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I know it sounds weird, It's buried in a casing of ice in the deepest ravine of the Mariana trench, Kissing, M/M, Roman Sionis Feels, Roman Sionis Has a Heart, Roman is horribly mutilated and we're gonna talk about it, Specifically for Jason, Still Plenty of Angst, bear with me please, but he does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 06:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14074674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hammocker/pseuds/The%20Big%20Roman
Summary: Roman was a guarded man, perpetually keeping the people around him at an arm's length. Jason was the same way, but, somehow, he felt understood around Roman. Maybe letting their guards down wouldn't be such a bad idea.





	Guarding the Heart

Something touched him in the dark.

Jason stirred to the sight of darkness, strange shapes and shadows surrounding him. The fear in the back of his mind and a twitch in his leg told him he’d had a nightmare, but, strangely, he couldn’t remember it. Usually he remembered exactly the terrible way he’d died in his dream. But somehow, he’d woken up in a cold sweat far less often since he’d started sleeping with Roman.

Not just fucking him, no, sleeping with him, as he was reminded at the feeling of a presence against his back. He couldn’t remember when or how they’d started doing this, but it had granted Jason more restful nights than he ever remembered having.

As his awareness grew, he noticed the weight of Roman’s arm resting over his side. That much was normal. What wasn’t normal was the sense of something just over Jason’s head, and soft, but clear breathing in his ear.

Things only got more unusual as Jason felt something coarse, but warm, pressed against his temple. It lingered there for a moment before lifting back up again, and, after another beat, it came back down, this time on Jason’s cheek. All the while, the hand near Jason’s belly gently felt up and down, from the base of his chest to his hips.

Jason wasn’t sure what was going on, but it felt kind of nice. Maybe he was still dreaming.

“Hm?” Jason murmured, almost involuntarily.

The breathing above him stopped and so did the touches. For a split second, the entire room was deathly quiet. 

“Roman?” he whispered.

Roman didn’t reply, didn’t even acknowledge that Jason had spoken. He simply pulled away, rolled onto his other side, and was silent. 

If Jason didn’t know any better, he might have said that Roman was embarrassed. Jason wasn’t sure why he would be or what he’d been doing, and that much supported the idea of Jason still being asleep. On the other hand, his dreams were never this calm and pleasant. They’d never involved Roman either; Roman wasn’t part of any terrible memories after all.

What was Roman doing? Why would he be so fast to backtrack on it? It wasn’t the first time that they’d tried a little somnophilia, and probably wouldn’t be the last. Maybe it seemed weird, but Jason didn’t mind and Roman had never taken issue with it. It wasn’t what you’d call “romantic”, but that was fine. That was just how it was between the two of them. Unromantic.

Then it clicked. Romantic. He’d been trying to _kiss_ Jason.

It seemed obvious then, the gentleness, the face touching, the denial. Roman, trying to kiss him even though his lips were long gone. Roman had never made much of an indication that kissing was on the table, and Jason had never asked if he’d ever want to. Why would he? He knew that Roman’s face, or lack thereof, was a touchy subject, so he’d always left it alone. Roman trying to kiss him under cover of night? That was big.

Now that he had an idea of what Roman had been doing exactly, Jason knew he had to do- _something_ about it. Say something, maybe. But what was he supposed to say? He knew Roman would deny anything, and he definitely didn’t want to imply that Roman was at all embarrassed. 

Words weren’t going to cut it, but maybe Jason could get across just what he meant anyway. Well, he definitely didn’t want to do much about it that night. Roman was a brick wall when he wanted to be, and Jason couldn’t have made headway even if he wanted to at times. But this time, Jason really wanted to break Roman’s defenses down, as long as it might take.

*****

Everything went on as usual the next day. Jason was on shakedown duty because a few of Roman’s dealers didn’t think they needed to pay Roman his share.

If Jason had a nickel for every time one of them said they’d never even heard of Black Mask, he’d have been as rich as Roman.

At the very least, it was straightforward and the day went by like it was nothing. Jason got back to Roman’s base around seven or eight, dropped the cash off to Roman’s bean counters, and headed upstairs.

Jason got back after Roman, like most days, and he found Roman at the dining table with untouched food on the table. The room was darker than usual, the fire burning low.

“Honey, I’m home,” he greeted, and, instead of going to his place, Jason approached Roman himself.

Roman tilted his head up to look at Jason, and, even with the mask on, Jason could feel his unamused glower. But if Jason had ever let that deter him, he’d never have gotten anywhere with Roman. If anything, it encouraged Jason to keep going.

“I missed you.”

Roman didn’t say anything, positive or negative; he simply stared up at Jason. Not exactly the reaction that Jason had anticipated. He’d figured that Roman would push back at least a little, or even bring out some of his trademark anger. But no, he just looked at Jason like he was still trying to figure him out.

“How’d things go out there?” Roman asked after a minute or two. No apparent interest in what Jason had just said or the fact that he’d walked over. That was fine; Jason could play the long game.

“Oh, you know, start breaking some thumbs and shakedowns become a cakewalk,” Jason replied, just as casually. Then, he continued to push the point. “I really did miss you, you know.”

Jason held his ground, staring down at Roman’s mask clad face.

“So handsome,” he finally murmured, leaning down for a kiss.

Before he could make contact, though, Roman turned his head like he meant to look somewhere else entirely. Jason’s lips made contact with the edge of Roman’s upper jaw and stayed there for a long while as Jason didn’t dare move.

Roman was the first to move again, reaching one hand up to push under Jason’s chin. Jason took the hint and backed off, still staring down at Roman.

“You don’t need to say shit like that,” Roman rumbled, turning away from Jason. “I know how I look.”

Jason blinked twice. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, I did,” Jason said with renewed confidence. “And I still meant what I said. You’re the most-”

“ _Jason_ ,” Roman snarled, cutting him off. “Stop,” he ordered coldly, getting to his feet and putting some distance between Jason and himself.

“What?” Jason let his arms fall to his sides. “Why?”

“You know why.”

“You don’t like me coming home and spending time with you?” Jason asked, tilting his head. 

Roman’s hand came down on Jason’s cheek, smarting just so. Not as hard as Jason knew Roman could go, but hard enough. 

“Don’t play coy with me,” Roman growled.

Jason rubbed at his cheek, no less deterred. “And here I thought you liked kissing.”

Roman didn’t speak right away, but the look in his eye morphed into something colder, more dangerous. Jason swallowed, but he couldn’t back down now, not when he was close to making a breakthrough.

“You’re out of line,” Roman finally hissed. “You can’t just do that, there needs to be a boundary.”

“What?” Jason balked at him, eyes narrowing. “Am I a hooker now? Fuck me all you like, but I can’t give you a kiss?”

“That’s not the issue, Jason,” Roman said, tone dropping into one of warning.

“Well, what is the issue then?!”

A beat. And then Roman reached up, unzipped his mask in front and back, and pulled it off, allowing it to drop to the floor.

“Look at me!” he snapped, leaning in towards Jason. “I’m horrifying! I look like death!”

Jason’s features softened into a frown as the gravity of the situation hit him. Roman wanted to think that he was unbearable to look at. He couldn’t reply right away, and Roman kept talking.

“I’ve accepted that. Hell, it’s an asset far as I’m concerned.” He let out a raspy, stilted breath that might have been intended as a chuckle. “I’m not gonna stop fucking you just because you think I’m hideous.”

“You really think I’m just here because I want to fuck you?” Jason asked, a touch of hurt in his voice. “You think I do it just because it gets me on your good side?”

It was then that Roman’s eyes shifted from hostile to something more uncertain. Jason might have called it something caught between trust and suspicion. Yet, all the while, he was still working to maintain the idea of himself as unbearably ugly.

Roman made to pick up the mask back on, but Jason grabbed his wrist and stopped him. Roman looked up to glare at him, and Jason met him halfway, giving his own variant on the evil eye.

“Well, maybe I am blind then,” he said, making sure to keep his voice steady. “And you’re a lot of things, but you’re sure as hell not hideous.”

Roman glared up at Jason, seemingly affronted by Jason’s interference. He grabbed Jason’s shoulders and dug his fingers in, drawing a wince from Jason.

“You want to lie to me?!” he barked. “Then look me in the eye when you do it.”

Jason felt his expression harden. He could stand a lot of things, but being called a liar when he was being nothing but honest? He could feel the blood rushing to his face at that.

“You- are- handsome!” Jason emphasized each word, and made sure not to blink.

Roman said nothing for a long while. Maybe he was waiting for Jason to falter, look away, smirk, do anything that might indicate that he was being dishonest. So Jason kept a straight face and held Roman’s gaze.

“You-” Roman started in a snarl. Then, he hesitated before giving a harsh laugh, shaking his head. “You really think that.”

Jason wanted to say something, but nothing came, nothing that seemed right. Instead, he just sighed, and prompted Roman to follow him towards the fire. Roman complied, for one reason or another, and the two of them sat down together.

“The other night-” Jason started. “I think you wanted to kiss me.”

Roman stiffened, and didn’t move for a moment.

“I wasn’t kissing you,” he finally said. “Couldn’t if I tried.”

“Because of your face?”

Roman took in a raspy breath. “Yes, because of my face.”

“You know, us little people have a saying,” Jason offered, leaning forward and doing his best to catch Roman’s eyes again. “It’s the thought that counts.”

Roman sniffed with what Jason inferred as distaste. He didn’t protest, but he was refusing eye contact completely. If his words had penetrated Roman’s icy veneer, Jason couldn’t tell.

So, he pressed up against Roman’s side. Roman still didn’t acknowledge him, but he neither did he pull away or tell Jason off. That was promising, for all promise was worth. At the very least, Jason might have just had a chance to sway Roman eventually.

*****

The day after that, Roman was uncharacteristically quiet. Not the quiet confidence he always exuded, but something more thoughtful and far away. Even through dinner, Roman barely said a word and only picked at his food. Jason had never seen him so perturbed, for lack of better ways to describe it. It was definitely perturbing Jason, but he had no idea what would pull Roman out of it, or if it was even a good idea to try.

The two of them sat at the table long after they were done eating. Roman might have looked at him a few times, but he didn’t say anything to indicate that much. Eventually, after what could have been anything from ten minutes to two hours, Roman stood up and strode towards his room. With no better options, Jason stood to follow him.

They dressed down for the night, just the way they always did, but Roman didn’t make any effort to pace himself with Jason. Jason was already in bed long before Roman had finished getting his night outfit on, and even when he finally laid down next to Jason, he simply switched the light off and turned on his side away from Jason.

Maybe it was because of exhaustion or loneliness or something else entirely, but Jason couldn’t take it anymore. He had to do _something_. Had to ease this man’s mind. Had to ease his own mind.

Slowly and easily, Jason rolled over onto his side, placing his front up against Roman’s back. He didn’t go to put his arm over Roman just then, seeing as Roman would definitely take that as a gesture of dominance. Instead, he propped himself up on one hand and leaned over Roman’s head, just like Roman had done to him. It was easy to make out the shape of Roman’s face, even in near pitch black darkness. Roman didn’t wear his full mask to bed anymore, but an eye mask still kept his only means of facial expression hidden. For Jason’s purposes, that was a good thing.

He stayed like that for a moment, taking steady breaths. Something in his gut told him that he might be overstepping his bounds by doing this, but something more pressing told him to keep going.

So, with one more deep breath, Jason leaned down and kissed Roman just above his brow.

No reaction. Probably for the best really; it gave Jason time to take in the feel of Roman’s face. It was as coarse and leathery as it looked, but it was more than that too. Leather had always felt cold, hard, and dead, like it had never been alive in the past. Roman’s branded flesh didn’t quite feel that way. Instead, it was warm and distinctly organic. For all its rigidity, it was still a part of Roman.

Jason pulled away just enough to slide down to peck over Roman’s cheekbone, finding much the same there. He’d seen a few pictures of Roman before his injury, and the distinct curves of his face were still there, just like they’d always been. Fused with black, leathery material, but Jason was oddly nonplussed by that much. In fact, past the initial shock, he hadn’t ever given it much thought. He’d never been attracted to anyone else like he was to Roman and the face was part of that just like the rest of him. Jason had to wonder why he’d never tried this earlier.

Roman hadn’t reacted so far, and Jason was beginning to wonder if he was asleep. Jason doubted it; Roman was still too tense to be well and truly asleep. Jason wasn’t even sure if he wanted a reaction or not, but that uncertainty didn’t stop him from pressing his lips to Roman’s cheek and holding on it, feeling the warmth.

It was only then that, like a sleepy, unsettled lion, Roman rolled onto his back with a vague grumble. Jason backed off then, tensing for Roman to bark at him. It never came, and, instead, Roman simply reached up to push his eye mask up.

Roman stared at him with those unwavering red eyes. They pierced through the darkness and demanded that Jason return his gaze. He couldn’t have looked away if he tried, so Jason did his best to read Roman. He felt- scrutinized, somehow, like the most intimate pat down he’d ever experienced. Roman was looking for something, or maybe even daring him. Even so, Jason kept up eye contact, even hardening his gaze, just like he had before. This time, though, every idea passed between them was silent.

Then, after a long moment, Roman’s eyes softened again. Their eye contact lasted for a moment longer, the scrutiny Roman had been showing replaced by something between confusion, bitterness, and acceptance. Roman then shook his head, finally breaking it off, and shifting away from Jason once more.

“Hey, come back,” Jason said, reaching one arm around him.

Roman stopped, not even tensing up this time, and eyed him once again. His jaw kept working, like there was something on his mind.

“Jason,” Roman muttered, neither in protest nor defeat. If anything, Roman sounded awed in his own way.

“Yes?”

Roman was silent for an almost uncomfortable length of time. Jason was about ready to give up and say he’d fallen asleep when Roman reached down to put his hand over Jason’s.

“I don’t want to catch you comparing yourself to a whore again,” he finally seemed to settle on.

Jason gave a short laugh. Roman sure knew how to flatter a guy.

“Well, can you blame me?” he asked. “I don’t do this stuff for a living, I’m just some idiot who happens to know his way around a gun. I mean, how many hookers am I competing with for your attention?”

Roman met Jason’s eyes once more and said flatly, “None.”

Jason blinked once. “Huh?”

“You heard me,” Roman said, only now showing any annoyance. “Haven’t seen anyone else in a long while. Not since you.”

Jason stared down at Roman, jaw agape. Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising. Still, Jason couldn’t help but be surprised, and that surprise soon turned into something else entirely.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Jason leaned over Roman so they were almost parallel and kissed him right where his lips might have been once.

Roman tensed up, but only for an instant. He couldn’t really kiss back, Jason knew that, but still one of Roman’s arms came up around his back while his free hand gripped the back of Jason’s head. That was more than enough to get his intent across.

They stayed like that for a long while, in that unmistakably intimate posture. Jason didn’t care to move, and he figured that if anyone should decide when their “kiss” ended, it should be Roman. And, surely enough, after a moment, Roman’s hand slipped away from Jason’s scalp, and he turned his head. Jason took the the hint and pulled away, but still propped himself up so he could smile down at Roman.

He could imagine Roman smiling back, but whether or not that was Roman’s intent, Jason couldn’t say. There was thought in Roman’s eyes again, but he was more relaxed than he’d ever been the past few days. Jason couldn’t help but think a weight had been lifted off Roman’s back.

“You’re not an idiot, Jason,” Roman said after a moment, plain and flat. “People, they’ve got their uses, little niches I can fit them into. But you? You’re something else.”

The more Roman spoke, the more Jason felt his chest swell and his throat tighten. It wasn’t a compliment, not in the traditional sense, but it meant a lot coming from Roman. Jason meant something to him. What that something was exactly didn’t really matter because Jason understood. He understood this man and felt understood, and Jason had never known what that was like before. So, he couldn’t help but lay down, head against Roman’s shoulder, and try to communicate his appreciation that way.

Of course, Roman couldn’t ever be too touchy-feely.

“You ever tell anyone I said that, I’ll wring your neck myself,” he added.

Jason chuckled and only felt his smile grow. He wouldn’t have wanted Roman to be any other way.

“I’ll take it to my grave,” he promised. “Doubt anyone would believe me anyway.”

“Good boy.”

Without warning, Roman turned the two of them on their sides. Jason took in a sharp breath, but was quickly pacified by Roman tucking his head up against his chest. Jason didn’t resist at all, seeing as it wasn’t the first time Roman had done that much. It was usually more possessive than affectionate, but Jason didn’t mind. He nudged up against Roman in turn, and allowed his eyes to shut.

Within a moment, though, Jason felt Roman press his face up against the top of Jason’s head.

Jason pulled back to look at Roman once again. Roman held his gaze this time, confident in the quiet way that Jason was used to. That was _his_ Roman, dangerous and terrible and everything else. Yet, he’d seen something new in the past days, when Roman’s defenses had been lowered. Something that had him willingly push his cheek against Roman’s chest, settling in like that.

And this time he wasn’t even surprised when he felt the soft press against the top of his head.

**Author's Note:**

> I've thought a little too hard about precisely how Roman's face got to be melded with a mask the way it is. My understanding of it is an incredibly painful process where he was pushed into a fire, most of the flesh on his skin melted (a bit like Harvey Dent), and the leather holding the mask together became bonded with his face to the point where it was more surgically practical to just leave it. Following this logic, Roman now likely has no eyelids, definitely no lips, and barely any natural tissue or muscle left in his face. Furthermore, he likely experiences chronic pain, and/or a complete lack of feeling in his face as it stands. I don't even want to think about how he manages eye and tooth care, given the medical implications here.


End file.
